[LIFE UPDATE] Did we break up?
You may have seen on my Instagram stories from this past week that on Wednesday, the 1st of November, I moved to Uluwatu with one of my best Bali girlfriends – without my partner.
Some of you have been asking in my DMs if we’re still together, how it is living apart from my 2 dogs, not being in our own house together every day as we used to for the past 10 months…
Let’s just say, it’s been an intentional decision I made a couple of months ago, when Max’ and my relationship was going insanely well. Why?
Just like I’d hire a mentor when things are going reallyyyy well for me in my life and business, and yet I’d wanna take things to a whole new level because I value consistent healing, growth & further expansion, I will make decisions that feel a little scary (as they’re new) that I know will help me unlock yet another level – within myself, my life, my business or my relationship.
The full truth is, we originally looked at this villa together and were playing with the idea of living in Uluwatu together for 2-4 months… and whilst Max loved this place I am living in now as much as I did, he felt called to stay in our Pererenan villa with our 2 dogs, to stick to his usual routines and enjoy the place we invested so much time, energy and $$ into renovating and turning into a home. Fair enough.
He’s an Aquarius, in case you’re wondering. ;)
I’m a Sagittarius and LOVE a good adventure and change every couple of months in my life.
I deeply crave routines, structure and systems (they keep me sane, grounded and efficient AF despite my ADHD), AND I also am a wanderer at heart who loves new experiences that fuel her with new wisdom, realizations and growth.
That’s why I said to Max when he shared about how he felt resistance towards moving to Uluwatu (that he LOVES for weekend get-aways), that I completely understand – and that I’d still LOVE to go there for a few months. He honored my decision, and I told one of my dearest friends about my idea – she was looking for a new place for November onwards, LOVES Uluwatu as much as I do and it just happened to work out perfectly and smoothly. Divine timing.
Something Max admires about me is that I make my own decisions and follow my intuition, and something I deeply admire about him is his trust in us – and so, he said ‘have the best time there then, babe, I’m looking forward to our weekend dates then – I’ll see you every week from Friday - Monday.’ #yum #yesplease
I am telling you this because there was a time in my relationship where I was hyper-independent and emotionally closed off/ self-protective/ still having my guards up and avoiding emotional intimacy, and there was a time when I was anxiously attached, insecure and needing A LOT of reassurance. I had essentially swung from one side of the pendulum, to the whole other end after opening myself up to Max fully in summer 2021 (we had known each other for a year at that time, that’s how long it took me to heal my father wound and build trust). In late 2022, I noticed that I was sometimes feeling the fear of losing him, and that I wasn’t enjoying time spent dating myself as much as I used to. I KNEW I had to work on this to give Max more space to do his own things, and for me to fully reconnect with myself and not lose myself in the relationship to him.
It took me a good 6 months to finally fully come back home to myself.
And now, for the last few months, it truly feels like we both have our own lives that we deeply enjoy, all whilst co-creating a life and future together.
Understanding men and their needs, understanding relationship dynamics, love languages, triggers and trauma and how it plays out in relationships is something I have been deeply fascinated by for the past 2-3 years, and it’s why I have been learning (both through mentors/ courses and my own lived experience) about what it takes to create a healthy romance… which is why I decided to infuse this knowledge into my brand new live-led 4-week group program, THRIVE ON LIFE.
Inside of THRIVE ON LIFE, I am teaching you everything that I know about…
healing your attachment style and wounds from the past that likely impact your current relationship/ dating experiences and leave you feeling like you’re unlovable/ ‘not enough’
what the foundations for a deeply fulfilling, healthy, loving relationships are (internal & external)
cultivating inner alignment, embodying true queen energy through identity work and becoming magnetic AF to your desires by embracing and softening into your delicious feminine energy
overcoming hustling, pushing, forcing, controlling, criticizing (yourself and men) and other tendencies that sabotage your life and hold you back from receiving what you want
If you are curious about this immersive experience alongside like-minded sisters, you can get all the details on the inclusions and payment plans available here.
Now, here are some of my tips that I like to give to my clients to get started on attracting a deeper relationship or to start deepening their current romance:
Look at your childhood wounds to understand yourself better
Get clear on your core fears and triggers in romantic relationships
Communicate your needs and fears and standards to whom you’re dating
Never stop dating yourself and enjoy your own company at least once a week
Source self-worth from within to become a magnet for a lover who cherishes you (& even $$$)
Let’s look at each of these in a little more detail:
1. Look at your childhood wounds to understand yourself better
We don’t know what we don’t know. That’s why it’s great to have a mentor who can see and show you your own blind spots. But, if you already did *some* self-reflection and have an idea of some of the wounds you still carry with you as an adult now, it’s so much easier to gain an understanding of why you operate and cope the way you do; and with that, you have a small piece of a whole roadmap you can give to someone else to help them understand you better as well, and have a deeper relationship.
2. Get clear on your core fears and triggers in romantic relationships
Once you have gotten to understand your own coping mechanisms better, you also gain a deeper understanding of what you fear and what triggers you, especially in interactions with others and with men in particular. Knowing about your fears and triggers will help you to then actively work on overcoming and releasing those through mindset + somatic work, and by letting your partner/ the person you are dating in on your internal process of working through these.
3. Communicate your needs, fears and standards to whom you’re dating
Knowing how to consciously communicate my needs, desires, standards, boundaries, fears and values in my relationship has taken it to a whole new level of contentment and fulfillment. This is where your partner/ the other person truly gets to see you, hear you, understand you, and accommodate you as much as possible for them. This kind of communication requires compassion and non-judgement.
4. Never stop dating yourself and enjoy your own company, at least once a week
It’s so easy to be hyper-focused on the other person so that you start to lose track of who you are becoming – especially when you live with someone or spend a large amount of time with them, it’s insanely important to still have your own friends, hobbies and practices that reconnect you to your own essence and allow you to get to know yourself all over again – if you feel uncomfortable spending quality time by yourself (being on your phone scrolling doesn’t count, as you’re being distracted from being present with yourself), start by scheduling in one afternoon or evening a week were you take yourself out on a solo coffee date with a journal, do meditation, sit in silence, let your thoughts wander and pay attention to your emotions. Making space and time for dating yourself is just as important as connecting and bonding with someone else, so you don’t lose your own sense of self.
5. Source self-worth from within to become a magnet for a lover who cherishes you (& even $$$)
A lot of highly ambitious women tie their sense of worth to their level of achievement, productivity, or by how loved they are/ feel by someone else. It’s so easy to outsource our power to external influences and circumstances, rather than claiming our inherent worthiness through self-sourcing and certain feminine embodiment practices that allow us to drop into our body and truly own all that we are. However, this is required in order to thrive in life, and be magnetic to a lover who values, takes care of and devours you.
Remember – healing and embodying your feminine energy takes time, and it doesn’t happen overnight. But embarking on this journey can and will change your life, if you devote yourself to it.
Put even a fraction of what I shared in this email into practice, and you can make more progress in the next 4 weeks than you did in the whole of last year. You got this, babe! ✨
PS – If you’d like to do this type of work in an intimate setting alongside other women who are equally devoted to healing their feminine energy, becoming more magnetic and living a soft, successful and deeply fulfilling life by shifting their identity from stressed-out ‘superwoman’ who does it all over to blessed-out magnetic queen, then you can join us here for only $444 (pp. starting at $74 USD/month) before the investment rises to $888 and eventually $1222.